Note: I will do my best to stay away from any spoilers but may slip up. Apologies!
The book starts with a disclaimer for any recovered or recovering addict to “proceed with caution” and I want to extend that to include anyone who knows or knew someone with a drug addiction. I found this book extremely difficult and uncomfortable to read at times and for those people that have even more of a personal connection to this topic than I do, I can’t imagine how it would feel to read this.
I read this book in about four days because I absolutely needed to know what happened next to the main character, Mickey Catalan, star softball player in her last year of high school. The book opens with “When I wake up, all my friends are dead.” Mindy McGinnis, the author, doesn’t shy away from telling the reader exactly what they are getting into. I knew the book dealt with addiction but had no idea how deep it would get. The first sentence immediately let me know it was going to be diving pool deep.
The book then takes a step back, to set the scene before bringing us up to date when Mickey wakes up and her friends are dead. I experience the horrific car accident that has the potential to sideline Mickey and her best friend Carolina from their senior softball season. How it’s necessary for them both to have an Oxy prescription. How Carolina fights through but Mickey gets pulled under by drugs, eventually getting sucked into that world, with new friends and new doses, while telling herself that because it’s for softball, it’s okay. Because she will stop when the season is over.
It was easy to forget that we already know how the book will play out to a certain extent (thanks to the first sentence) but I still felt anxiety while reading. I audibly gasped at certain parts, scared that Mickey was going to be caught even though I was begging for her to realize what she was doing to herself and get help. I wanted to continue reading but frequently closed the book to let my stomach settle from unease. It was tough going.
I think a lot of people can find something to relate to in this book, whether that is related to drugs, loving something so much you’ll do anything for it, being shy and uncomfortable in your own skin, or an intense family dynamic. We all have something (or somethings) in our lives that creates pressure. Mickey, still just in high school, never really built the coping skills necessary to get through other tough aspects in her life. For her, drugs didn’t just combat the pain from the car accident, “but how I could find words when it was in my system” (p. 389), for example. I think that’s probably similar for a lot of people. You get a prescription for a legitimate reason then realize how it “improves” other parts of your life, not noticing the damage it’s actually doing.
Overall, I would absolutely recommend this book for any enjoyer of young adult literature. McGinnis is a fantastic author, completely engaging the reader into the struggle of the characters. I read The Female of the Species as well, which blew me away and encouraged me to pick up Heroine because I knew how well McGinnis writes. Again, be cautious before starting but I do hope you enjoy it as much as I did.
Music: I obsessively listened to Mitski over and over while I read this.
Linnea Books It 